39 days on and I am still so full of tears and missing you so terribly. People say the pain will pass but the fact is that even I though you know I loved you, I wish I had said it more often - you said it on your Christmas Cards to me - and held you more often. I was looking forward to spending my retirement doing things together with you, going places, eating out and so on, and did not realise that just 3 weeks on I would be seeing you in hospital and 36 days on you would be dead. And to have died alone!